So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
