It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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