her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
