It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
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And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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