Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
