she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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