I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
