Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
