Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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