You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
