Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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