super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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