I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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