Your dad touched me again.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
