god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
