I think i peed on brittanys purse
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
