And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
