I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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