Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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