I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
