Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
