My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
