You just made me feel so damn special
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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