the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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