So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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