Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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