Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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