I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
