hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
