Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
