OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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