Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
