guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
