if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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