I wannas sexs uuuuu
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
