Only a mothe r could love this liver
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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