I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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