omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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