i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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