Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
