Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
