i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
