umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
