We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
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