I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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