Where did you get a picture of my penis
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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