Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
