Got a toothbrush?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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