Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
