Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
