So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
