my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
