Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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