you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
