Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
