Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
