Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
