He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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