We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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