He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my sisters under your porch take her home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
