I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
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Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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