Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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