I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
