Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
